Simplicity Is KEY With Coffee…


The more simple the coffee order, the less time you’ll spend in line. This is truth, believe me.

Now, this may sound similar to my previous article about fast-food drive thru’s (Just Go In To Get Your Damn Food), but it still needs to be said.

Each one of these coffee places is the same, but different in their own right. They have the regular coffee that they pour out of the big-ass container behind the counter. But, they also have various other fancy drinks.

When I say fancy drinks, I’m talking FANCY drinks. You know, those double chocolatey, whipped cream topped, sugar coma inducing beverages. Basically, these are the drinks that take the barista roughly two(ish) minutes to make on a good, slow day. But if there’s a rush, per usual, you will probably be waiting at the other end of the counter anywhere from 5-10 minutes.

To be honest, the time I really noticed this was in college.

At the busiest coffee shop on campus, kids would order the most convoluted beverages they could. Then, they would spend roughly 5-10 minutes waiting for said coffee due to the large amount of orders spilling in.

When I got there, I would end up ordering my SIMPLE CUP OF COFFEE. I would swipe my card, they would pour it out of the big-ass container on the spot, and off I went.

My favorite part about this though was having to pass by the students at the end of the counter waiting for their convoluted concoctions. I would always get one or two “stink eyes” when they looked up from their phones, annoyed that I got my order before they did.

To combat that, I would simply walk by and give them a wink and a smile. Nothing got them more peeved than my goofy smile walking past them as they stood their waiting for their beverages.

But damn did I enjoy that!

These unnecessarily long coffee orders just take away the simplicity of it all. Everyone complains about how we have become a more complex society, and yet they waste the time of a seventeen-year-old in an apron by rattling off their novel sized order.

They will complain that they don’t have enough time to do something, and yet they will wait in the drive-thru with the fifteen other coffee snobs.

Just simplify your life, and simplify your order. You’ll get your coffee faster, and you won’t be late for whatever the hell you are about to do.


Are you one of these coffee drinkers? Or do you just get the cheapest drink on the menu? Let me know in the comments below, or on one of The Midwestern Barfly Gazette’s various social media accounts;

FACEBOOK: The Midwestern Barfly Gazette

TWITTER: @MWBarflyGazette AND @KShermanSports

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