The EPIC STAREDOWN!
Have you ever had a small child in the grocery store line stare you down like you stole something? Because that is EXACTLY what happened to me recently.
To set the scene for you, I was waiting in the checkout line with my six-pack in hand. There were a few people in front of me, so I popped a few pieces of gum in my mouth and decided to scroll through twitter for a bit.
In front of me, there was a mother with a basket of items and a small child on her hip. I waved at the kid and said “hi,” as any normal human would do.
But to my surprise, the kid didn’t even smile. In fact, the kid was just staring me down.
I went back to my phone, hoping to just shrug it off. But when I looked up, sure enough she was still staring me down. And quite honestly, I thought she was making that hand gesture from mob movies where they say; “You owe me money.”
Now, I decided to test this. I decided to see why this kid had a problem with me. So I took out my gum to get another piece, and this kid did the most dramatic double take in history. Without changing her facial expression, she glanced at the gum and right back at me.
Now I’m sorry, but I had to be an asshole here. This was too good to pass up!
So, like out of a cartoon, I started to pass the pack of gum from one hand to another. And wouldn’t you know, her eyes followed it the entire way. Back and forth, back and forth, like she was watching a damn tennis match.
Then, I started to toss the gum up and down in one hand. Sure enough, she continued to follow it.
It was one of the strangest, yet funniest sights to see. I even had to hold in my laughter just so I didn’t look like a crazy person.
But if you’re reading this saying; “Damn, this Kellen guy is an asshole,” that’s ok. You have your opinion. But personally, I think it was just enjoying the little things. It wasn’t malicious, no one got hurt. It was just all in fun.
Have you ever had a kid give you the stink eye like that? And I am an asshole for doing that? Let me know in the comments below, or on one of The Midwestern Barfly Gazette’s various social media accounts;
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