A Conversation In My Head: Picking Up Women​

Brain: Hey C.S.?!

Me: For the love of Go- I thought I finally shut you up.

Brain: How, with booze? Haha, jokes on you buddy. You are still “young,” the only thing that affects is your liver.

Liver: *Twitches and wakes up*

Brain: Wait, are we going to a bar?…Liver! STOP drooling!

Me: Yes.

Brain: You wanna try picking up a woman?

Me: No!

Brain: Why?! It will be fun, man! Just have a conversation and see what happens.

Me: If I do it once will you leave me alone and just let me enjoy being done with work for the day?

Brain: You are such a WHINER! Where do you get that from?

Me: Umm, you?

Brain: Oh right…At any rate, fine! If you do it once, I’ll leave you alone.

Me: Ok, it’s a deal.

Brain: Now where to start…

Brain: …

Me: Dude really? Just pick someone.

Brain: Bingo! Blonde sitting at the bar…move now there is an open seat next to her.

Me: Yep, moving now…Just don’t make me look or sound like a jerk.

Brain: Would you just trust me?!

Me: *Pulls up the seat next to the woman* Holds up cash to signal the bartender. “Yeah, can I have a light beer.”

Brain: Come on man! A light beer? You need to impress her! Get something strong like scotch on the rocks. Or a bourbon neat!

Me: It’s a Wednesday! Plus I don’t want her thinking I have a problem.

Liver: I got your back bro! Go for the strong stuff, I can take it.

Me: We aren’t in college anymore, no!

Brain: Quick, I think she is looking at you. Quick, do something!

Me: Gives her a quick glance…Ummm you seein’ this?!

Brain: Yep! Just move to another seat at the end of the bar.

Liver: What’s going on?

Brain: The long hair threw me off. 

Me: *Wide-eyed* Yup!