A Conversation In My Head: Picking Up Women
Brain: Hey C.S.?!
Me: For the love of Go- I thought I finally shut you up.
Brain: How, with booze? Haha, jokes on you buddy. You are still “young,” the only thing that affects is your liver.
Liver: *Twitches and wakes up*
Brain: Wait, are we going to a bar?…Liver! STOP drooling!
Brain: You wanna try picking up a woman?
Brain: Why?! It will be fun, man! Just have a conversation and see what happens.
Me: If I do it once will you leave me alone and just let me enjoy being done with work for the day?
Brain: You are such a WHINER! Where do you get that from?
Me: Umm, you?
Brain: Oh right…At any rate, fine! If you do it once, I’ll leave you alone.
Me: Ok, it’s a deal.
Brain: Now where to start…
Me: Dude really? Just pick someone.
Brain: Bingo! Blonde sitting at the bar…move now there is an open seat next to her.
Me: Yep, moving now…Just don’t make me look or sound like a jerk.
Brain: Would you just trust me?!
Me: *Pulls up the seat next to the woman* Holds up cash to signal the bartender. “Yeah, can I have a light beer.”
Brain: Come on man! A light beer? You need to impress her! Get something strong like scotch on the rocks. Or a bourbon neat!
Me: It’s a Wednesday! Plus I don’t want her thinking I have a problem.
Liver: I got your back bro! Go for the strong stuff, I can take it.
Me: We aren’t in college anymore, no!
Brain: Quick, I think she is looking at you. Quick, do something!
Me: Gives her a quick glance…Ummm you seein’ this?!
Brain: Yep! Just move to another seat at the end of the bar.
Liver: What’s going on?
Brain: The long hair threw me off.
Me: *Wide-eyed* Yup!