Lifestyle

I Found My Parents’ Box Of Porn, And Now I Want To Stab My Eyes Out With A Used Heroin Needle

There are just some things that a boy does NOT need to see…….and I did.

After work today, I was helping my mother clean out her closet to get rid of some old stuff. We pulled clothes, jewelry, and various other old items to help clear space. THEN, “the box” was open.

I pulled a large cardboard box off of the top shelf, focusing on not dropping it due to how heavy it was. I placed it on the ground and opened the flaps, asking my mom; “What’s this box for?”

My mom looks over at me, grinning EAR TO F***ING EAR, saying; “You might not want to open that.” (Knowing my mother, she didn’t mean that AT ALL! She was going to find that entertaining one way or another.)

I did not heed that warning. I should have heeded her warning. I will be forever scarred! But…..my mother loves to torture me.

I stared at the videos, disturbed at the collection of erotica that was sitting before me. I gasped at the storylines and genres that I found. It was…….horrifying.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” my mom said as she dusted the shelvings of her closet.

“How can I not? There’s SO MUCH OF IT!” I closed the box quickly and pushed it away. I stood up and walked out the room, my mother laughing hysterically as I continued my path to the kitchen.

In an attempt to hold back the puke that was building up, I grabbed the BIGGEST beer glass that I could get my hands on and filled that bastard FULL! I plopped down on the couch and turned on a baseball game to continue drowning out the thought of what I just witnessed.

Then, in almost a television show “fourth wall breaking” way, I looked forward shaking my head and said;

“Will my parents never stop surprising me?”

 

Has anyone, ANYONE AT ALL, had a situation similar to this happen to you? How did you cope with it? Let me know in the comments section below.

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