Late Night Drinking Thoughts 5

It’s a NEW YEAR ladies and gentlemen. I’m still thinking, I’m still drinking, and I’m STILL HERE to bring you the stupidity that flows through my brain. This was a fun series that started late last year, and I want to continue it through 2019.

SO. HERE. WE. GO!

Why do people burn jerseys after their team loses or after a player leaves? This is the most RIDICULOUS part of sports fandom that occurs on a yearly basis. Certain fans across the world think that burning their REALLY EXPENSIVE JERSEYS after a major loss/player departure is a fantastic idea.

Um, excuse me, but I’m pretty sure that you paid upwards of $100 for that jersey. And now all of that money is washed down the crapper because you thought burning it was the smart move.

I would NEVER burn a jersey if my team lost. Not only because I’m a cheap man, but because it leaves me without a jersey for next year. Then I have to spend another $100+ on a NEW jersey, and possibly be sad all over again.

And if you REALLY want to get rid of it, then just sell the damn thing. The key to selling is that there is ALWAYS a buyer for every product.

 

What do you call the box that you order food into at a drive thru? I’ve heard it be called multiple things during my time on this earth; the intercom, the box, and even the station. But honestly, which one is it?

Personally, I think it’s called “The Box.” When you pull up to one of these contraptions, it literally…….looks like a box! Nothing else, just a metal box with a large microphone on the inside to transmit your order to the attendant in the building.

I mean, you can call it an intercom if you want, I’m not going to stop you. But when I think of an intercom, I think of the mic that your principal from elementary school used to tell you the announcements in the morning.

 

The sound of cracking open a beer can be considered the equivalent of an errant fart. I’m not saying that it actually SOUNDS like a fart, that would be gross.

(Hang on, that would actually be funny. Beer cans that sound like farts when you open them? I would buy those for the comedic/novelty aspect. But I digress).

What I mean by this though is that cracking open a beer can has a specific sound that can bring about negative connotations in a situation. If someone hears that during a wedding ceremony for example, they may think; “Who’s this rude, degenerate individual? This isn’t your day!”

The same can be said about a fart. because apparently there is a time and place for a fart as well. Wedding ceremony: bad. Bathroom: good.

But what I have to say is, who are you to tell me where I can open a beer? Who are YOU to tell me where I can fart? If I want a beer during my kids’ school play, I should be allowed to have one! That shit is BORING, and a little brewski can make it a WHOLE LOT FUNNIER!

 

What are your thoughts on these topics? I want to know! Let me know in the comments section below!

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