MWBFG Dating Stories 2: Eating Like A Slob
I feel like the first “MWBFG Dating Stories” went over rather well. So, why not keep this thing going?
So this was Date #1; it was the FIRST DATE! I emphasize this because it was also the LAST DATE between the two of us.
The thought process behind this date was that I wanted to do something special right off the bat. I wanted to bring her somewhere special to make it the most unforgettable first date of her life!
And where did I take her………a Mexican Restaurant. It was a good idea in my head; a restaurant decorated in vibrant colors, with the ability to order foods you can’t normally get at other establishments. And not only that, the margaritas were to DIE for!
Fast forwarding a little bit; we ordered our food and had a really nice conversation. We talked about work, family, our dreams; all of that “gushy” BS that comes up during a date. We each then ordered another margarita, and then our food arrived.
I kind of kept it safe and went with the fish tacos. Even though they are a little messy, it’s a “dry mess;” meaning that any food that falls from the taco can be easily scooped up with a fork.
Her on the other hand, she ordered the “MONDO Burrito” (that ended up costing me an arm and a leg when the bill arrived). It had all of the ingredients of a normal burrito, but was SMOTHERED in a red sauce and melted cheese.
Now let’s get something straight here, I have NO PROBLEM with what she ordered. If she wanted to order the “MONDO Burrito,” then order the “MONDO Burrito.”
HOWEVER, instead of eating it with a fork and knife; she just grabbed the sides of the damn thing and started going to town. Every time she would come up for a breath, there would be sauce and clumps of cheese just smothered across her face. I was deeply horrified.
“Soooooooo, what do you do for work,” I said, as I sat back in my seat. “Well, I was in advertising; but now I’m kind of between jobs,” she replied. Once she uttered the word “jobs,” multiple hunks of ground beef flew across the table and landed on my face.
It was utterly grotesque, and I couldn’t believe what just happened. She was somewhat apologetic, saying; “Oh shit, did I get ya?” But, being the gentleman I am, I said; “Yea, but I’m good. No worries.”
Once I wiped my face off and sanitized the ever-loving crap out of my hands, I excused myself to the bathroom. On the way there, I found our waiter; conveniently at a computer. I looked the guy square in the eye and said; “My dude, PLEASE print my check up now! I don’t care what it is, I need to get out of here.”
I said that, and there was a moment of silence between the two of us. But it wasn’t an awkward moment of silence at all; it was a mixture of confusion by the waiter, and his realization of what was going on. Finally, he said to me; “Bad date, I got you bro!”
Once the check was paid, I came back to the table in a “somewhat” panic. I looked at her and said; “Hey, I’m so sorry, but I need to scoot out real quick. Something came up with my family and they need me over there right away!” I then handed her a copy of the paid check (cause I’m not a COMPLETE ass), and told her; “The check is all paid for, I’m sorry I have to dip out like this.”
She said through ground beef and melted cheese; “Oh no, you go ahead. You do you! Thank you for picking up the tab.”
Let’s just say, I won’t be taking a date to get Mexican Food any time soon.
Dates: 1, Kellen: 1
Do you have any bad date stories? Let me know in the comments section below, or on one of our various social media accounts;