Sounds Like How You Get My Drunk Ass Home…..

close up of hand feeding on tree trunk

Photo by Leah Kelley on

Everyone has had that drunken night before; the one where you have to lure your drunk friend home with the promise of a fried treat. Hell; for some people, THEY were that drunk friend that needed luring back to the safety of their home.

And it turns out, pigs are pretty similar to us in that respect. Granted, these particular pigs weren’t drunk; but according to TIME“After a roughly 600-pound female pig and her piglets escaped from a barn in Cedar Park, Texas, Friday morning, animal control turned to the only foolproof method of ensuring their safe return – luring them home with Cheetos and Doritos.”

Now after reading that, you are probably saying; “Kellen, how does this correlate to a HUMAN being drunk? You’re just being ridiculous!”

I’m really not being ridiculous, because this IS a normal occurrence when you’re three sheets to the wind. This IS a normal occurrence on any given weekend when multiple alcoholic beverages are coursing through your system.

During that time, you’re stomach starts to do that little dance, and it starts to sing that sweet, sweet song; “I need them burgers, oh they are so good! Go get me some, you really should!” (Foods may vary depending on person). And when one of your friends finally shows you that food you’ve been craving, you basically turn into one of the pigs from this story. You basically become a creature longing for that sweet greasy relief.

Because of this, you’re friends do have an edge to get your tipsy-ass out of the barBut they still need to turn into ranchers (of sorts) and corral your “boozed up behind” into the awaiting Uber outside. Whether it’s waving a bucket of chicken wings in front of you, or promising you that they’ll order a pizza at the house; food is the key factor here.

So next time you are playing the “parent” of the weekend, think about this scenario. Because I’m fairly confident that you’re imagination will RUN WILD, and you’ll be making comparisons too.


What are your thoughts on this situation? Do YOU think I’m spot on? Or do you think I’m way off? Let me know in the comments section below, or on my personal twitter at @KShermanSports

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