Late Night Drinking Thoughts 17.5: The Toaster Toss

bread food toast breakfast

Photo by Pixabay on

Guess what? You are getting another one-off, random “Late Night Drinking Thought” that will hopefully make your week just a little bit brighter. You’re getting another one-off, random “Late Night Drinking Thought” that will hopefully bring some joy and happiness to the stressful thing that you call a “work week.”

So, without further ado, here is my NEWEST “Late Night Drinking Thought;” #17.5!

Where the HELL do I get one of those toasters that shoots the bread/bagels up into the air? Has anyone else seen these toasters in movies and TV shows? It seems like in every title I watch that has a breakfast/kitchen scene, the toaster is this super over-powered machine that sends the bread and bagels flying into the air.

My question; where do they sell these? What stores/websites are selling these “roided up” super toasters? Because guess what……..I WANT ONE! I’m tired of these “regular toasters” that just pop your food to the top of the machine and stop. That’s SO BORING! I want a little bit of “spice” added to my morning. I want an element of “danger” to wake my ass up. Hell…………I WANT ACROBATIC BREAD TO START MY DAY!

Think about it ladies and gentlemen; how AWESOME would it be to have one of these in your home? How COOL would it be to be making breakfast for someone, and have their toast fly into the air so that you can catch it on a plate? I mean, that would be the most suave and smooth move that someone could make.

Not only that; what about those “morning after” breakfasts that you may have with that “special someone” who doesn’t know you have a toaster like this? How SMOOTH would it be to pour her orange juice with one hand, while simultaneously catching her flying toast with the other? That would be the ULTIMATE “move” to end all “moves.”

Let’s just say, if any of the MAJOR toaster manufacturers out there are reading this; I’m not saying that you should send me one of these toasters for free. I don’t pander and beg, I’m a grown man.

HOWEVER, I am also not NOT saying that you should send me one of these toasters for free. Who knows; if one of these ends up at my front door, I could even make a video for you guys displaying it’s power. (Wink wink, nudge nudge).


Yes, I am well aware that these toasters could be props that are “souped up” for a particular scene in a movie/TV Show.  That doesn’t take away from the fact that I still WANT ONE! However, I want to hear YOUR THOUGHTS on the matter. Leave them in the comments below, and on Twitter at @KShermanSports

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